Who Are You, Really? A Practical Guide to Help You Find Out
6 Easy Steps to Uncover Who You Are Beyond 'What You Do'
Over the years, I’ve done a fair amount of reflecting on what makes me, me. How I move through the world, what’s important to me, and what gives me purpose. It’s an ongoing process, but versions of the practices below have helped me hugely.
And following my recent “identity crisis”, it felt like a good time to revisit it all. I needed to reconnect with the parts of me that matter most. [ You can read about My 30,000 Foot Identity Crisis HERE ]
This isn’t an exhaustive list, and there are plenty of brilliant variations out there, but it’s a solid starting point if you’re keen to go deeper and uncover who you are beyond what you do. Keep in mind that we’re constantly evolving, so none of this should ever feel ‘limiting’.
My Values: The Lighthouse That Guides Me
One of the most valuable exercises I’ve ever done is identifying my core values - what I call my personal code. They’re my lighthouse, always guiding me back to myself when I feel adrift. They shape how I make decisions, how I spend my time, and how I show up in the world.
When I’m aligned with my values, I’m energised and fulfilled. When I’m not, I feel stuck, conflicted, and drained and I’m likely not functioning as my best self. The first 3 values have been my compass for years, the 4th is a new (ish) addition.
My Code:
Truth: Being real - showing up as my unfiltered self and creating space for others to do the same. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. It’s also about being a truth-teller - having the courage to hold up a mirror, have the hard conversations, and take ownership of my mistakes. Truth keeps me grounded and guides me to behave with integrity, whether I’m navigating challenges, building trust, or simply staying true to my values.
Freedom: The fuel for my creativity and curiosity. It’s about having the space to explore, experiment, and occasionally rewrite the rules. I’ve never been one to follow a well-worn path or someone else’s timeline. Freedom means taking charge of my choices and finding creative ways to solve problems. It’s also about empowering others to break through limitations and find their own voice. It shows up in how I advocate for others and challenge the status quo.
Connection: Where I thrive. It’s about real conversations, meaningful relationships, and finding common ground - even when we come from different places. I love a good story, and I’m endlessly curious about what makes people tick. For me, connection isn’t about being overly warm and fuzzy; it’s about creating moments that matter and helping people feel seen and valued.
Faith: My newest value, born during the pandemic. In the words of George Michael, “I’ve gotta have faith.” It’s not blind optimism but a quiet confidence that things will work out, even in chaos. Faith gives me courage, helps me step out of my comfort zone, and keeps me grounded - for myself and those around me. It’s about trusting in myself and others.
If you do one thing from the below guide, start by identifying your values. It’s a game-changer.
6 Simple Exercises to (Re)discover Yourself
Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you explore who you are, reconnect with what matters, and discover how you want to show up in the world. Grab a notebook, your notes app, and some quiet time, and let’s dive in:
1. Reconnect with Your Story
Your identity is shaped by your experiences, but how often do you revisit the narrative you’ve written about yourself?
Do this:
Write down the major chapters of your life - the highs, the challenges, the pivotal moments. Consider all aspects of life: growing up, family dynamics, education, friendships, hobbies, passions, and work. The deeper you go, the better.
Ask yourself:
What lessons have I taken from these experiences?
How have they shaped who I am?
Are there parts of my story that feel limiting?
Tip:
If there’s a piece of your story that feels limiting, rewrite it with a more empowering perspective. You’re the author - take control of your narrative.
2. Reflect on Your Values
What truly drives you? Think about the moments when you’ve felt most proud, at peace, or deeply fulfilled.
Do this:
Reflect on those experiences. What was happening? Why did it feel significant? What values might those moments represent - compassion, courage, creativity, or something else? Look for recurring themes in your thoughts and feelings.
For a deeper exploration, reflect on moments where you’ve felt conflicted or unsettled. These can reveal where your actions or circumstances clashed with your core values.
Narrow your list down to your top 3-4 core values. Take your time, this isn’t a one-and-done task. It could take days, weeks or even months to refine.
Ask yourself:
How do I live these values daily?
When have I felt conflicted, and was it because I wasn’t aligned with my values?
Tip:
Be brutally honest. This exercise only works if you’re real with yourself. Don’t write down “adventure” if your true happiness lies in stability and routine, or vice versa. If “stability” matters more than “adventure,” own it. It doesn’t mean you don’t like adventure - it just means that while you enjoy it for a time, having stability and routine is what grounds you. If “freedom” stands out, dig deeper: Is it financial freedom, time freedom, or something else? Your values are your compass - lean into them.
3. Notice Your Strengths
Sometimes others see our strengths more clearly than we do.
Do this:
List the things people often compliment you on or seek you out for. What do you do effortlessly that others find challenging?
Reflect on your strengths in two ways:
Your natural abilities - skills that come intuitively to you. While you’ve refined them over time, they feel innate.
Your learned strengths - skills you’ve intentionally developed to improve areas where growth was needed or desired.
Ask for feedback. Speak to peers, friends, family, or colleagues. See if they validate your own reflections and highlight other areas. Sometimes, others can help you identify strengths you may not recognise in yourself.
Ask yourself:
What sets me apart?
How can I use my strengths in new ways?
Am I tapping into my core strengths regularly, or is my current environment limiting me?
Tip:
Hone your top three strengths - these are your superpowers, the talents that energise you and make your heart sing. They’re often closely tied to your core values. For example, if connection is one of your core values, you likely have a natural ability to connect with others and have invested time in honing this skill because it aligns with what you value most.
4. Describe Yourself Through Your Passions
What lights you up? Think about the activities or topics you could lose yourself in for hours.
Do this:
Write down your passions (e.g., teaching, helping others, communication).
Reflect on what’s underneath those passions. For instance, if you’re passionate about communication, it might stem from a love of storytelling, connecting with others, or self-expression. If teaching excites you, it could be about sharing knowledge, nurturing others, or fostering growth. If you’re passionate about innovation, it might reflect creativity, problem-solving, or imagination. Understanding these deeper layers can help you tap into what truly drives you.
Consider how these passions show up in your life. Are there areas - work, relationships, hobbies - where they’re missing?
Ask yourself:
How can I bring my passions into the spaces where they’re absent?
Tip:
If there’s a gap, brainstorm ways to fill it. Maybe it’s volunteering, starting a side project, or carving out time for hobbies that excite you. You’re not going to get everything out of work, and nor should you, so use your imagination and look outside of the workplace.
5. Think About Your Impact
Your legacy doesn’t have to be grand - it’s about the small ripples you create in the lives you touch.
Do this:
Reflect on your daily interactions.
Ask yourself:
How do I make others feel?
Who do I inspire?
What would people say about you if you weren’t in the room?
What lasting impact would your colleagues say you've left behind after you've moved on?
Tip:
Take small steps to align your actions with the impact you want to have. For example, if you want to uplift and support others, make a habit of giving feedback, mentoring someone, or contributing to a cause you care about.
6. Challenge Assumptions
We all carry beliefs about who we “should” be and what we think is/isn’t possible. It’s time to question whether those beliefs truly serve you.
Do this:
Write down the “shoulds” and the potentially limiting beliefs you’ve been holding onto e.g., “I should stay quiet, so I don’t rock the boat and upset people” or “I need to have everything figured out before I start”
Reflect on why you hold onto those beliefs
Reflect on the parts of yourself you often keep hidden. Why don’t you show them to the world?
Ask yourself:
Where did these assumptions come from - family, culture, work, society?
What’s holding me back from showing up fully?
Tip:
Now imagine embracing the sidelined parts of yourself - the ones you’ve hidden because they didn’t “fit.” What would it look like to let them shine? Are you currently in a place where you feel encouraged enough or free enough to do that? If the answer is no – how can you change that?
Final Thought
This is a journey, not a checklist. Take your time with these exercises and make them your own. Revisit them over time and remember - you’re always evolving. Each small step you take brings you closer to the most authentic version of yourself.
Which step feels most exciting to you right now? Start there. 💡
