This Is Not a Performance (No Applause Necessary)

On building presence without the act, and why being real beats being impressive.

For those playing along, you’ll know I’ve written before about how hard it can be to start putting yourself out there - not as your job title, not behind a logo, but just as you.

You, with no brand to hide behind, no team to validate you, and no helpful workplace acronym to signal your credibility.

That piece, The Hardest Part is Being Seen, clearly hit a nerve. It’s had more responses, DMs, and “omg THIS” replies than anything I’ve ever written (well, a lot for me anyway).

And most of them boiled down to one thing: cringe.

The fear of being cringey.
The awkwardness of putting yourself out there.
The panic of sounding like a self-important life coach.

Because the minute someone says, “You should build a personal brand,” most of us picture something glossy, terrifying, and very anti-human. Slick headshots. Corporate jargon. Vague statements about “impact” and “alignment.”

Suddenly, the idea of showing up as yourself starts to feel… like a full-time marketing job.

So how do we do it differently?
How do we build presence - without becoming a performance?

Let’s explore.

Presence vs Performance

I keep coming back to this: presence, not performance.

Not as a slogan. As a grounding principle.

Because once you decide to be more visible - whether that’s sharing thoughts online, stepping into a new space, or simply using your voice more intentionally - the temptation to perform creeps in quickly.

You find yourself wondering, “How should I say this?” instead of “What do I actually think?” You write in a tone that sounds ‘smart’ but doesn’t sound like you. You talk about things that are ‘on brand’ instead of things you actually care about.

It’s tempting, really tempting, to put something out there for the sole purpose of growth and engagement as opposed to genuine connection.

But deep down I know that when I lead with presence, with the version of me that exists outside the metric, it feels different. Lighter. Realer. It comes from a place of clarity and authenticity, not curation.

To me, presence means knowing what you truly believe and care about. What you stand for. How you naturally speak, connect, and show up. It’s not something you manufacture. It’s something you carry.

If you’re still figuring that version of yourself out (which, for the record, we all are), I wrote something called Who Are You, Really? that might help. It’s full of questions I return to when I realise I’ve accidentally morphed into someone who says “double down” in regular conversation.

What Your Real Brand Actually Is

Hint: It’s not your bio. It’s your energy.

The more I think about it, the more I wonder if the whole “personal brand” conversation has led us a bit astray.

Because when people say build your brand, what they often mean is: get visible. Get consistent. Be strategic.

And while those things aren’t wrong… they’re also not it.

Your brand isn’t your LinkedIn posts. It’s not your bio and CV. It’s not a carousel with perfectly spaced line breaks and a humblebrag about an award you won.

Your real brand, the one that actually matters, is your presence. It’s how you show up. It’s how people experience you, talk about you, trust you.

It’s your tone. Your choices. Your integrity. It’s whether your values hold up when no one’s clapping for you. It’s whether people feel seen, understood, energised, or challenged (in a good way) when they interact with you.

You don’t need to manufacture that.
You just need to live it.

And the equation for whether it’s working?
It’s not in the likes.
It’s not in your follower count or newsletter open rates.

It’s whether something you shared, or how you showed up, left a mark.

Maybe it moved someone.
Maybe it helped someone feel a little braver.
Maybe it made someone exhale and go, “Thank god someone else said it.”
Maybe it only mattered to one person.

And really, that’s the only metric I care about.

What Authenticity Actually Means (And Doesn’t)

We throw the word “authenticity” around like biodegradable confetti. And it’s become a bit... foggy.

If something is authentic, it is real, true, or what people say it is. And now just switch the word something for someone.

Authenticity isn’t about oversharing or performative vulnerability.

It’s when what you put into the world matches what you value, how you behave, and who you are when no one’s watching. It’s when you speak like yourself - not a weird corporate/Instagram hybrid. It’s when people meet you in real life and go, “Oh… yep, same energy.” It’s when your ideas, tone, beliefs, and actions line up.

That doesn’t mean saying everything.
But it does mean meaning what you say.

Being visible is one thing.
Being real is another.

It’s easy to share the tidy version. The polished thought. The softened opinion. The one that’s most likely to land without causing friction.

It’s harder to show up as your full self.

Because you feel like you’re too much.
Or not enough.
Or just… not quite right.

So we dial it down.
We tweak the tone.
We blend in.

Not to be fake, but to be safe.

But we don’t find our people by being palatable.
We find them by being real.

By sharing something that resonates, not because it’s polished, but because it’s honest.
By speaking in a voice that’s unmistakably yours, not because it’s perfect, but because it’s recognisable.

That’s what personal presence is.

It’s not your elevator pitch.
It’s not your tagline.

It’s the thing people feel when they read your words, hear your voice, or sit across from you in a room and think, “I trust this.”

So Start With Presence

This isn’t about rejecting visibility.
Or branding.
Or even a well-lit headshot.

It’s about starting somewhere truer.

Start with presence.

Start with you - the messy, layered, values-driven, slightly sarcastic, probably overthinking human.

Because presence is the thing that stays with people.
It’s the thing they remember.

And in a world full of performance, it’s the most refreshing, human, and powerful thing you can offer.

And the right people will meet you where you actually are, not where you’ve contorted yourself to be.